ABOUT THE CREW

JEFF MICKELSEN
JACKASS EXPRESS, 2013 - Present Day

 

 

jJeff is the unrivaled smooth silky voice of the JAE, he works tirelessly to thwart all of Pat's plans and succeeds 99.9% of the time, the other .1% time he is asleep.

Given the glorious golden voice he is also a strong judge of character and excellent confidant.

 

 

BRENDAN HORN a.k.a. Boy-On-A-String
JACKASS EXPRESS, 2012 - Present Day


You know that old stereotype that musicians are terrible at time management? 

Well I'm writing this a month after I was asked to. 

Brendan Horn is a musically compulsive, science fiction loving, casual gamer born is Australia. He writes music for the love of it and writes music about what he loves. Nerd stuff and feelings. He can talk for hours about both of these two things.

(Editor's Note: Severely more talented than the rest of the crew)

 

Jackass Express - Brendan Horn (Boy on a String)
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SCOTT SACKS
JACKASS EXPRESS, 2013 - Present Day

 

 

Scott is one of the few JAE members not from the country of Texas (counter to what Brandon thinks) and joined the group in 2004, when he and Brandon became college roommates.  Being vastly superior to Brandon in all ways, Scott was quickly adopted by the group.

 

A Master of aerospace engineering by education, Scott is currently in the midst of a career change from a Navy rocket scientist to making cardboard rectangles, all in an effort to gain more freedom in his life and to return to his home state of Oregon, preferably without dying of dysentery.  Currently, Scott is living in northern Wisconsin during training for his new job and has now experienced a, "real winter".  When not working, Scott tries to spend time with his family and friends and can be found scheming up his next trip. And as a lover of culture, great food and drink, cooking, and travel; Scott is the food expert of the JAE group and the assistant purveyor of filth and humor.

 

 

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PATRICK JAMES NICELY

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day

 

Dr. Patrick "Celtichorn"  Nicely was encouraged to join the military at a young age as he seemed to struggle with his original dream of being a bar singer. He is the youngest member of the Jackass Express Podcast, he doesn’t specialize in much of anything but was greatly honored when Walter “Tip” Bambrook recommended him for the podcast because he was “better than no one” 

 

To his credit, Patrick had already experienced and flourished in an extensive career of underwhelming online content through his pseudo internet alias "Celtichorn" he made such flops as “Honor Guard vs The Drill Team” & “Honor Guard Halolympics”.

Patrick strongly believes that a goal is not a fad, it’s not a job, it’s a purpose in life. He also enjoys dressing up like a Ninja and chasing around a little white dog, pretending he is an Irish gameshow host who goes by the name of Dan Chappy, and a video/audio editor extraordinaire! Luckily he was wrangled by an insanely intelligent and wonderful woman named April who lets him out in the yard to play every now and then.

Some of his personal hero’s include: Kathleen Zuelch, Shannon McCormick , Jon Graham, MattPat,& Mr. Beast.

 

Patrick has also been awarded a Doctorate from the University of Patrick Nicely and is referred to as a "Cornerstone contributor to the development of the Patrick Nicely Theorem.

 

 

WALTER "TIP' BAMBROOK III
JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day 

 

Who else can be wonderful, terrific, amazing, lacking confidence, and an absolute jack ass better than a man who, and I quote, "is analogous with God". Why the oldest, and might I add best looking, of the Jackass Expres crew of course. 

 

Hailing from the western most point of the greatest goddamn country on Earth, you know Texas, Tip created a world of wonderment and joy after liberating himself from the despotic control of an self aggrandizing girlfriend. At the time of his liberation, Tip found himself with little rational and decided to chase another's dream of entering the chicken business. Now surrounded by an army of Burmese refugees he has vowed to entertain the shit out of you with his insights on the day to day. 

 

But there is a problem you see, because Tip likes to drink. Tip likes to drink a lot. And while that may not seem like much of a problem to some, Tip is the only person who can keep Jay Rowdy at bay. Who is Jay Rowdy? Well get Tip drunk and find out... if you dare. Also for those of you who have yet to notice, Tip really enjoys run on sentences and poor grammar. 

 

Disclaimer: If you are a stripper you may not want to get Tip drunk. Actually Tip doesn't want you to get him drunk he cannot afford another engagement ring.

 

 

BRANDON ALFORD

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day

 

Brandon Alford is the JAE’s foundationally funny philosopher of filth.  As a degreed meteorologist by trade, it is unwise to trust most things he says because he’s probably lying to you.  Brandon currently serves with the U.S. military in Germany leading a team responsible for weather forecasts throughout Europe.  Like all members of the podcast, he is a native of El Paso, Texas, and has previously lived in Hawaii and Korea—facts that listeners will undoubtedly hear repeated since his heart remains in the Pacific.  He is a culture addict and travels as often as possible.  Although he prefers Asia, he enjoys spending time traveling Europe and improperly packing for trips (based, of course, on his weather forecasts, which inevitably turn out just like those from your hometown weatherman).   

 

Despite his archetypal potty-mouth and brash on-air humor, Brandon is passionately dedicated to helping others achieve success in life. Stemming from his work as a military officer, he is driven to design and build organizations capable of branding an image of innovation and lasting success.  Moreover, Brandon is a strong proponent of ending sexual violence.  As a credentialed Sexual Assault Victim Advocate, he devotes himself to the support of sexual assault survivors and teaching prevention strategies for culture change.   

 

Brandon is an avid runner, guitar player and singer, though he admittedly hasn’t found a way to do all of these at the same time.  He is currently working towards Master’s of Science degree in Community Leadership.  

JONATHAN CHASE

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day

 

As co-founder of the Jackass Express, Jonathan Chase has had the distinct pleasure of not only being a member of such a motley crew of misfits, screw-ups, alcoholics, and accountants but also by secretly leading them from the shadows and taking most of the credit. What started off as a passing joke has now blossomed into a somewhat functional entity that he can be proud of. 

 

Like the rest of the Jackass Express, Jonathan is also a native Texan, but has been overseas for the past five years. He has lived in Japan and is now a resident of Taiwan. He spends most of his time on the beach or travelling to far off exotic locales getting acquainted with the local “flora and fauna”. When he’s not off gallivanting around the world, Jonathan earns his keep teaching English to the youth of his host country. Slowly, but surely corrupting their minds and turning them into his own Manchurian Candidates, his first step towards conquering Taiwan and eventually Asia.  

 

Jonathan is a burgeoning polyglot being fluent in Japanese and studying Chinese. He’s an avid guitar player, long boarder, beach bum, bookworm, cook and traveller. He’s currently working towards starting a Masters in Education and teaching English as a second language. Also, screw Flanders.

JONATHAN NICELY

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day

 

Hello my name is Jonathan , you may remember me from such events as “Track field Nascar”, “Nicely & Nicely Attorneys at Law”, “Blue Moon: Nature’s Orange Juice” and “Honor Guard: The seven deadly sins”

 

After twenty-four years in the friends business, I have seen my co-workers evolve from friends into my brothers.  We’ve done everything from attend each other’s birthday parties to attending each other’s weddings! (and hopefully someday each other’s funerals!) 

 

I pride myself on being a content supervisor ( I tell Patrick when his idea’s suck) and an ego stabilizer.

 

I ‘ll do my best to keep our content relatable and full of Jackassery, as long as I am on board.

 

Dictated by me, but forcibly written by a dick. (Patrick)

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BUTLER THOMPSON

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2018 - Present Day

 

Christopher (Butler) never really liked to talk about himself in the 3rd person

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DAN DOUSSEPT

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2018 - Present Day

 

Dan is our Canadian Liaison. As such, his duties include goose and moose wrangling, beaver polishing and of course, the head of the Igloo Engineering Division. Oh, He’s also our Dungeon Master!

Dan is an amateur writer and likes to write a variety of things such as novels, poems, songs, kid’s stories, obituaries, cake recipes, a blog on the finer points of syrup production, and even a newspaper column where he gives fashion advice for moose.

When trying to kill the JAE grows tiresome (in D&D, not in real life, what kind of person do you think he is??) Dan likes to relax in his igmansion (Yes, an igloo mansion) with his family (who oddly enough look nothing like moose, geese, or beavers!)

It’s a tough life in the great white north but Dan manages to keep it level by being a jackass whenever he can. An excellent addition to an already finely tuned machine!

MARIA JENSEN

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2021 - Present Day

 

"Idk what to write as a description" - Commander Cheese Danish

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JOSH PIÑON a.k.a. Hanz

JACKASS EXPRESS, 2010 - Present Day

 

While not a permanent member, and having not been on the podcast in years (same goes with Revolution of the Bored in which he does with The Dave) he at least had a guest spot on some of the 2011/12 episodes.

He’s not quite sure, and is dropping the third person thing. I really dont know what to write. Its not like this is a dating profile and even those i was terrible at.

Did I leave the stove on? Creative outlets include oil painting, music under the name Morfiend and as half of Nekrotek, drawing, writing (biggest personal credit having a story in The NoSleep Podcast Season 3 episode 24 story 4 “I Never Saw the Light”) other than that everything has been DIY from shirts, comic books, story narration, painting videos, even a cd. I dont know where this is going, either.